marriage

Your Engagement Story

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Yes. I said that right. This story is all about when and how to propose to your special person.

Do you feel like your boo might be ready for a ring? Have they been casually mentioning their ring size or metal of choice? Perhaps they aren’t being so discrete and they are sending you pictures and links to rings they like and invitations to view their secret wedding Pinterest board. Perhaps they straight up sent you this article you are reading right now! No matter what it can sometimes be difficult or scary to think about the next step. Proposing. Don’t fret I’m here to offer some advice.

Getting engaged is one of the biggest moments of your life. The romance and the happiness make the air feel light and airy. The hope for the future is so strong you could almost reach out and touch it! The proposal story is one that you will be telling forever so make sure you are proud of it!

Your first step is to make sure you are on the same page. Have you talked about getting married? You can try and work something about weddings or marriage into a conversation and see their reaction. If they change the subject or tell you that marriage isn’t their thing you may want to cool the jets. If they tell you that 3 days is too soon to propose you should absolutely stop the jets. If they look excited or they want to continue the conversation you may have a green light! Of course, you have probably already talked about it and you already know where your partner is in the relationship and you are just skimming this paragraph. Awesome if that’s the case! We can move on!

The next step is to buy a ring that fits your honey. Not just the ring size but also their personality. You wouldn’t buy a tiny ring for someone who loves to be in the spotlight. Just like you wouldn’t buy a large ring for someone who doesn’t like attention or uses their hands to get dirty. You want this ring to fit their personality and lifestyle! Another thing to keep in mind is the stone and the metal. You may not know this but some metals look better on different skin tones. If she hasn’t mentioned what kind of metal she likes take a peak at the jewelry she already has. Once you have an idea as to what kind of ring you are buying its time to actually find the right jewelry store. Or, with online jewelers like Blue Nile it’s easy, because you don’t actually have to leave your house to see engagement rings! The biggest issue I had with picking my husbands ring and getting ideas for what kind of ring I’d like was the judgement! Whenever I would go to a jewelry store the staff would ignore me even if I asked for help. They would point to cheaper options which was equally hurtful as it was helpful. This issue is completely eradicated with online shopping. Plus you have online support at the touch of a button.

After buying the ring its time to brainstorm about when and how you’d like to propose. Are they the kind of person who would like strangers there to applaud or stare longingly at the shiny new rock on her finger? Maybe propose at your favorite restaurant or a surprise party at your family’s house. Perhaps she is the kind of person who hates being the center of attention and would rather share that special moment with just you. If that’s the case maybe you can take her on a hike or propose at home. If you are stumped, pinterest is your best bet.

The tricky part is luring them out to the proposal spot with out making them suspicious. maybe have a friend of theirs invite them out but you show up. Just try to make it as normal as possible. Make sure your plan has no holes in it. If they are clueless when it comes to noticing new or out of the ordinary things, this step is pretty easy.

The moment has finally arrived. You are about to ask this person to commit their whole life to you. You are about to commit your life to them! You’ve done everything you can at this point to make this moment as special as possible now its time to enjoy the moment! Don’t stress too much about the words you are saying. I can’t remember what my husband said when he proposed. I’m sure it was super sweet and he thought about it a long time but my memory of that moment is silent. The image of him on one knee with an open ring box and the love in his eyes is forever in my heart.

So there you have it. Those are my (hopefully) helpful tips on getting engaged! This is an exciting time for both of you! If you liked my article, comment down below your engagement story or tag me in your wedding picture on Instagram! The link is at the top of my homepage for all of my social media. Thank you for reading!

marriage

Waiting for Motherhood

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Have you ever felt like you were born to do something? Born to save the world or born to play cello with an orchestra in a big city or even born to set the world record of how many cat figurines one person owns. When I was little girl and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up my answer was always “mom”. Of course some days I wanted to be a ” horse jockey mom” or a “teacher mom”. It has always come back to mom though. When you ask me my career goals my answer is usually something like “I’m just working to save money to be a stay at home mom”. My calling is to be a mother. I was born to be a mother.

When I got married, motherhood wasn’t even on my radar. I was living with my mother-in-law and we were broke newly weds! I was on birth control so in my mind there was no chance I could get pregnant anyway. I really wasn’t on my mind. Shortly after we got married I went off of birth control and switched to different contraceptive methods for health reasons. This increased the “risk” of getting pregnant. We were still being very careful to make sure I didn’t get pregnant. Logically I knew that getting pregnant wasn’t a good idea at the time but there was this very primitive feeling I couldn’t swallow.

Everyone has pregnancy scares especially when you aren’t on the pill. I’ve only had a couple but they were really really hard. I would be nervous but mostly excited at the thought of being pregnant so I would secretly be hoping that it was positive but every time it showed negative. At first I would be really sad. I could have potentially have finally become a mom in just a few short months! Of course after I got over my sadness, relief would settle in and I would be happy that it was just me and my husband. This happens every month because my period is always late. The cycle repeats itself over and over again. One particular month, I was late for my period and every morning I would wake up really nauseous, I was hungrier than normal and other typical signs. It lasted for at least week. As the week progressed I was more and more convinced that I was pregnant so I was getting really excited. Then I got that first cramp. An hour later and I had started my period. This period was really hard for me emotionally. I was so sure that I was going to fulfill my life long dream of becoming a mom! I cried as a wave of longing washed over me. I started to hate sex. I felt distant from everything. I truly felt like I had lost something. I had only lost an idea of course but it felt so real.

Since that period it has gotten easier to accept that I am not a mother yet. I’ve been trying to be spontaneous and do things that I know I can’t do or is really hard to do with kids. We plan day trips day of. We have money to do things selfishly. I’m doing my best to be happy where I am in life. We went to Vegas for my 21st birthday in January and I had a lot of fun with my friends and family.

I know that people are going to tell me “kids are hard! they have blowouts and temper tantrums and make you want to pull your hair out.” Some people are going to say “Alexis you are so young. You should focus on your marriage first. Having kids so early in the marriage can break you apart”. I know. The reasons all point to not having kids yet but my heart wont listen. I love my husband so much I just want more of him! I want a tinier version that is equal parts him and I. My husband and my best friend have been so supportive through this whole roller coaster. I can’t say that I’ve completely made it out of this very strange tunnel but I’ve been praying that I find peace and happiness until I’m a mom and I’m definitely close.

Long story short, If you are in a similar situation, just be patient. It will come with time. Stop and enjoy the little things. Literally stop and breathe slowly, looking at all the blessings you already have. Smell your morning coffee more. Pet the dog (or cat) and focus on how your fingers feel. Watch a bird flutter around in a tree. God is good and he created a beautiful world if we pay attention.

marriage

What it’s Like Living With Your Mother-in-law

I’m just going to say that God blessed me with an amazing woman as a mother in law. I would not be where I am right now without her. Mom, if you see this, I love you.

I know I joke that living with my mother in law sucked but in reality it never really sucked. It was inconvenient sometimes because of the cultural barriers, sure, but it was also pretty awesome. We would go on long car rides and not have to drive. I rarely had to cook and when I did I loved cooking for 4 people. We didn’t have to pay rent. That was one of the best parts. It is so expensive where we live and it was really nice to just save that money that I earned. Of course, I also really enjoyed spending time with my new family as well.

Sometimes the cultural differences made it a little difficult. My mother-in-law had some unspoken expectations an so did I. We were just used to different lifestyles. Ill write more about the cultural differences in a different article. Jaxon and I are keeping some of both cultures in our new little family.

There were some things that did make it tough not having our own place. We only had one space that was ours alone. Our room wasn’t too big and we had to fit everything we jointly owned into that little space. We were very cramped which made me feel overwhelmed at times. I was always trying to find ways to make the space feel bigger. The fridge was a big reason we wanted our to find our own apartment. Jay eats anything but I was vegetarian for a while so I had to have foods that fit my diet. There was rarely enough space in the fridge for what I wanted. Privacy was also a big factor. When I get off of work all I want to do is put on things that are more comfortable. As you ladies know, bras do not qualify as comfortable. Living with other people like your mother in law and your brother in law limit your options for what you can wear. There is also that obvious reason why living in a small apartment with the in-laws across the hall isn’t ideal for newly-weds but I won’t talk about that very much because my Dad reads this. Let’s just say that we were very tense people until we moved out and leave it at that.

At the end of the day, living with my mother in law was challenging at times but it was helpful to save money and get to know them better.

marriage

How Do You Know if They are “The One”?

I get this question a lot. “How did you know that he was the one you wanted to marry?” I used to think that anybody could be the one if you try hard and love them enough. Of course, I met Jaxon and that opinion changed. I knew it in the deepest part of me that this was the man God was giving me to be my husband. The air was lighter when he walked in the room. I felt invincible with him by my side. Iv’e been dating my husband for 3 years and I still get butterflies when he looks at me. My heart still grows wings when he comes home from work. He is my best friend. Everyone is telling me that that feeling will fade. Maybe it will! I’m just going to enjoy my butterflies and my wings until it does. Here is my guideline to know if they are the one.

They make you happy. Like truly happy. Your soul feels lighter and you know that you will never have to worry about love or acceptance again.

They make you want to be better. Whatever that means to you. Jay makes me want to be better at my job. He makes me want to clean the house. He deserves to be happy and if that makes him happy I’d love to do whatever it takes. I feel like he deserves my best.

You would genuinely do anything for them and they would do the same. I would do probably anything to make my husband happy. I probably wouldn’t kill anybody which is totally fine because that probably wouldn’t increase his happiness. I know that Jay would do the same. Of course, it doesn’t have to be that extreme either. I’m really bad at drinking water. Jay knows this so he is always putting a glass of water next to me whether I ask for it or not. When I do ask for one he jumps up to get it even if we just got cozy for bed.

You feel like you can tell them anything and everything. My husband is my most trusted confidant. I could tell him anything. Anywhere from what color my pee was this morning to telling my scariest fears. He knows he can tell me everything too. We rarely argue but we had an argument last week. We knew that no matter what we said we would be forgiven.

They never put you down. In private or in front of your friends. This is a big one. I had problems with this with a previous boyfriend. You should keep relationship problems to yourself so you can work on them privately. Of course this doesn’t include abuse because you should tell anyone that will listen if you spouse or partner is abusing you. If you go out with your friends together and he tells them about all of the areas that you are falling short as a partner it is not helpful to your relationship. They should be making you look great! They should brag about how clean the apartment was or how well you are doing at work.

In the end, If you and your partner are ready to make that step I say go for it. If you are in love and are prepared to stick with each other why not? Age really is just a number. I knew that I was going to marry my husband before 4 months of dating him. We’ve been together for almost 3 years and I love him more and more each day.

marriage

How I Met My Mother-in-Law

This story isn’t very long but it is not how I imagined it would go. It was 5 0’clock on a weekday morning, standing in last nights clothes while Jaxon vomited violently in the background. Lets take it back to 12 hours before.

I just got off of work and was eager to get home and get ready. My boss had invited me to her birthday party and I had never been to a party with alcohol before. I was legitimately excited to be someones designated driver. This was my second date with my husband so I was feeling pretty excited to see him again outside of work. I picked him up from work at 8 and headed straight to Sacramento as we blared the Hamilton soundtrack and songs we liked in high school. We had liked post hardcore back in high school. I’ve moved on from that music but that is still Jays favorite genre.

As soon as we got into the party we knew that people had already had way too much to drink. We grabbed some snacks and Jay grabbed a beer and started to socialize. I just followed him around because I am not really great at parties. We came to the beer pong table because that seemed to be the happening spot. Apparently the game had just finished and everyone wanted Jay to step in and play. Now, my dear husband is a smaller Asian man so alcohol goes straight to his head and he isn’t very good at beer pong. You can probably imagine the state he was in after he lost every round. I knew that it was a matter of time before he would start throwing up so I told the birthday person that we probably had to leave soon. I had lost Jaxon while I was looking for my boss and when I found him He was taking shots. Apparently, they were pressuring him to drink more. I was his designated driver so I asked the party host for a water bottle, paper towels, and grocery bags because I knew that I was going to need them in the car. After struggling with convincing Jay to leave, getting someone to help carry him to the car, and trying to get Jays home address we finally left at midnight.

I knew I couldn’t take him home like that because his mom would probably be mad. I drove to the area he lived and parked at Mel’s diner. I rubbed his back while he threw up. He wouldn’t stop throwing up and he looked like he really just needed a nap. It didn’t help that while he had stopped puking I threw away the grocery bag and apparently he wasn’t done so he was puking out of the door. People were starting to stare so I told him to hold it in so we could drive to his house. We almost made it to his house before he puked out of the window of a moving car. We pulled up to his apartment complex at probably 3am. The apartment was decorated in very warm tones and smelled really nice. I put him on the couch but he just got right back up to puke in the kitchen sink. He would go back and forth from the sink and the couch for a while until he fell asleep. I just sat next to him rubbing his back and running my hand through his hair. I was thinking he had really soft hair as I dozed off to sleep.

I heard a noise behind me that startled me awake. The kitchen light was on and noise was coming from the fridge. I was thinking “oh crap, I’m about to meet this guy’s mom in her living room after spending the night. What is she going to think?!” Apparently Jay woke up too because he ran back into the kitchen which obviously scared his mom. She saw Jay throwing up and a stranger standing concerned in her living room at 5 am. She was really pretty and looked like she could have been his sister. I introduced myself and apologized that I was in her home uninvited but I wanted to make sure that Jay was safe. She started to laugh! She told me that Jay had only been like this one other time and he smelled like a potato farmer for days. She told him to drink more water and asked what he was drunk on this time. I told her that it was beer and Hennessy which made her laugh more. She told me that last time it was tequila and vodka so at least he wont smell bad this time. She thanked me for making sure that Jay was safe and apologized that she had to run out the door. I guess we made her late but at least she was chuckling as she was closing the door. That was the first and last time Jay had Hennessy.

So there you have it. I hope that you all have a better story! Remember that if I could meet my mother-in-law wearing last night’s party clothes, smelling like vomit, in her living room at 5 o’clock and she still wanted me as a daughter you will be fine! Just breathe and remember that she just wants what is best for her kid.

Thanks for reading! If you liked this story make sure to click like and I’ll put more stories out. I’m in the middle of writing part one of living with my mother in law. I will post it this week.

marriage

10 Affordable Valentines Day Date Ideas

1. Build a Fort

This is what my husband and I did for our first valentines day together. We squished all of his moms couches together and covered it all in a king size fitted sheet. I had made chocolate covered fruit as a surprise earlier that day which was a super sweet snack while watching a romantic movie under the fort.

2. Make a meal together

Making a meal together can be really fun. It also strengthens your patience with each other. Make something easy like mac and cheese, spaghetti, or a fancy salad. You could skip the main course and just make desert too! We made muffins last year! There are kits to make brownies or cake which make it pretty simple and quick to add something sweet to your date.

3. Order in and binge your favorite show

There is nowhere like home after all. Just order in delivery from your favorite restaurant. Grubhub/postmates are apps that lets you order food from places you wouldn’t normally be able to get food delivered from. You don’t have to stick with just chinese food or pizza! Although those are both great options. Cuddle up together and pop on an easy TV show. Me and my husbands favorite shows to binge are The Office (netflix) or Superstore (hulu).

4. Go to a museum and scavenger hunt

I love this idea. This is probably what we will do this year. It’s just so easy! This idea is awesome for those competitive couples. Me and my husband like to make things interesting and have a friendly competition sometimes. Just find the closest or most interesting museum near you and design a scavenger hunt accordingly. If you are going to an art museum your scavenger hunt can have “find 3 paintings with over 6 people in it” or “find the weirdest sculpture. whoever has the weirdest sculpture wins” or even “take a picture with a tour guide”. Whoever has the most points at the end of the date gets to pick the movie to watch later.

5. Explore your city with fresh eyes

This is a fun one. Depending on the city you live, it might be warm enough outside to take a walk. If it is, head to a part of the city or nearby city that you have never been. Old parts of cities are really interesting. Go to that restaurant that you saw go up like 3 years ago that you thought looked interesting enough to try. If you live in a big city take a walking tour of tourist attractions you wouldn’t be caught dead at. If anybody asks, you are visiting.

6. Picnic in the park

This idea also depends on your area. Me and my husband did this last year. We went to the grocery store and bought cheap lunch stuff and had a nice little picnic in the park. Jaxon brought his soccer ball so we kicked the ball around for a while. Just keep your phone in your purse or in the car. Stay unplugged and you might learn something about your spouse you didn’t know before! If you live somewhere too cold to go outside you can combine this idea and my first idea. Have a picnic in your living room!

7. At Home Spa Day

A friend gave me this idea. This one takes a bit more planning but could be very romantic and relaxing. Amazon has nice face masks you can buy pretty cheap. Get some of those and a bottle of sparkling apple cider. Get into really fluffy robes and relax with some music. Showers or baths can also be a romantic part of your spa day. If you decide to do the bath route, get a bath bomb from lush and pop that in there after the tub fills up. Apparently they also have shower bombs if the bath isn’t for you. You put it by the drain and the heat makes the smells rise up in the shower. Finish off the day with a healthy dinner and maybe a board game.

8. Build a snowman/snow fort

This idea is obviously pretty specific to people in colder areas. Bundle up and go outside! Build lots of snowmen, then build forts to protect your snow people. After the war is over, make some snow angels or find the most interesting icicle. Once all of the fun is had and your fingers are cold, head inside and warm up with hot chocolate and snuggles. Watch a romantic movie or look back at your wedding pictures.

9. Visit animal shelters

This one is close to my heart. I believe that all things deserve love and kindness shown to them. Homeless pets need love on valentines day too. Head over to the closest shelter and pet all of those animals for me! Make sure that you leave no animal untouched! If you happen to fall in love with one and take it home don’t blame me!

10. Give to the Community

Most children’s hospitals collect valentines for the kids who can’t be at school to give or receive them themselves. It makes their day to see that random strangers are thinking of them! It makes my day knowing that I made a kid’s day a little bit brighter! Volunteer at a homeless shelter together and show those people love too. Donate extra unwanted clothes to goodwill or food to a food bank. Giving is a good way to make your heart feel lighter.

marriage

5 Reasons Why Getting Married Young Isn’t Always Amazing

My last post was all about how getting married young was the best decision I’ve ever made. There are obviously ups and downs to getting married so young but in the article I’m only going to focus on the down sides. These are hard to hear but they are important to keep in mind if you are thinking about getting hitched so young. Here are 5 not so pretty truths about being married at 19.

1. You get a lot of criticism

I faced a lot of push back when I announced that I was getting married. People asked if I was sure that I wasn’t making a mistake. People that I thought were my friends refused to come to my wedding because “they’d come to my next one” It really hurt to hear everyone’s mean comments on a decision that I was very confident in. I would have people come up to me at work and tell me that I screwed up my life, that i never even had a chance to live. “You are just a baby! Don’t get married! You have so much that you are going to miss out on!” I’m going to be honest, I wavered. It got to me so bad that I would hide my hands at work. I would tell people that I was single. Total strangers made me uncomfortable to be married to my husband. People told me that my husband was only with me for his green card and that he would leave me as soon as he got what he wanted. They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest but honestly it was people like that that made it hard. Being married to Jaxon is effortless. I was lucky that my family fully supported us but most young couples don’t have that. Keep that in mind.

2. People don’t take your marriage seriously

Going to restaurants and saying its your 1 year wedding anniversary is definitely awkward. They absolutely don’t believe you. Hotels too. I received a wonderful comment a while back saying “oh that’s still happening?” Yes, Karen, it will be happening for a while. Please automatically assume that he goes where I go.

3. Bachelor/bachelorette parties are definitely boring  with out alcohol

My bachelorette party was very boring. We went to lunch and then watched a movie. Nothing to write home about. Jaxon didn’t even have a party. Our wedding had alcohol but we could only have a glass of champagne as a toast because people wouldn’t let me have any. Definitely a minor drawback but if it matters to you to have a bomb bachelorette then you should keep this in mind.

4. You start off a marriage on a not so strong financial  footing 

When we got married we were broke as heck. It’s pretty hard to give romantic surprises when all of your money goes to gas. It’s especially hard to bankroll an entire wedding on a couple $300 paychecks. Unless you are the lucky few whose parents thought ahead and are willing to pay for your wedding, you definitely aren’t getting a princess ballroom event. I managed to pay under $800 for an entire wedding including the dress and the rental furniture. There will be a post in the future about how I did that. We had to live with Jaxon’s mom for the first year of our marriage. I’m not going to say it was easy. It definitely wasn’t. You can’t really have arguments so it gets bottled up and its pretty difficult to find alone time to do other activities married couples do as well. I am blessed with an amazing family-in-law though and we definitely couldn’t have done it without their support and help.

5. Nearly impossible to be independent 

Like I said previously, we had to live with my mother in law for over a year. She helped us in a lot of other ways too. She bought our rings, she payed for immigration papers, and so much more. We just couldn’t afford to do anything except pay for gas, insurance and food. We saved whatever was left. We only had one car so we had to plan our work schedule which was tough. We had to rely on our parents for a lot for a long time.

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5 Reasons Why Getting Married Young is Great!

As I said before, I got married at 19 to the love of my life. It was by far the best decision I’ve ever made. There are obviously ups and downs to getting married so young but in the article I’m only going to focus on the ups! Of course I’m going to preface this article by saying that obviously getting married young is not for everyone and if you or your significant other are considering this path I suggest you really think about the decision. Love is a choice. You choose to love your spouse through the easy and the hard days. so with out further ado, here are the top 5 reasons getting married young was a no brainer for me.

1. It’s (relatively) easy to combine lives

It takes a while to set up your life financially. Buying a car, house, have kids, etc. takes time and money that young people don’t normally have. I know that when I got married I had a part time job, lived with my parents, and was borrowing the car when I needed it. My husband had just moved her from the Philippines a little over a year ago and lived with his mom, same part time job as me, and had no car. It was very easy to combine our lives financially. We also hadn’t really set in our ways in regard to our day to day routines. When we lived together we had no trouble learning the ways to work together and not stomp on each-other’s toes.

2. It’s exciting!

I’m not going to lie…. the thought of being married so young was a very attractive idea. I mean… I always dreamed of getting married and starting my life with my husband and I got to start 10 years ahead of most! I got to have the dress, the wedding, and the second family right out of highschool. While everyone was getting sending out college applications I was sending out wedding invitations. While all the college students were gossiping about their crushes I was calling the florist and the table rental agency. I felt so far ahead of my classmates which was a nice feeling after feeling so left behind in highschool. it is such a rush! The flowers, the dress, the romance!

3. You have so much more time with your spouse

The national average age people get married is 27 and rising. We will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary when our acquaintances are celebrating their 2nd. That is so much time! We can easily be married at least 50 years before one of us passes away (fingers crossed). Honestly though, eternity wouldn’t even be enough time to spend with my husband.

4. You can take on challenges as a team

Life is challenging. Duh. When you are married though, you never have to face a challenge alone. They will support and love you through everything. Hard day at work? Your spouse is there waiting to hear all about the idiots that caused you an inconvenience. My husband is my most reliable source of support. When we first got married we had to tackle the huge problem of immigration but together we got all of the paperwork completed and he now has a green card. Problems just don’t seem as tough when you have someone beside you.

5. Your relationship takes on a whole new identity

I know, I know…. “Alexis, you were only dating for 8 months! That’s nothing!” Yes. Yes it is. I barely dated my husband. We were already planning our wedding at the 5 month mark. I do, however, remember it very clearly. The dates and the excitement to see each other next. Texting every chance we could. Late night Facetime calls. It was exciting! Constantly trying to make every moment count. When you are married that sort of thing kind of goes away but its replaced with a calm, laid back feeling. You are not always trying to impress them. I mean… they have seen you after a binge on taco bell. Hard to imress or mystify your husband after that. You really get to be yourself in your home. You never worry about a fight because you trust that they won’t break up with you. After all, you made a promise to get through those fights. The big conversations are not that hard to have when you are bundled up next to your cat in you own home. Its a deeper kind of love when you make that huge commitment.