I am a 21 year old homemaker. I got married at 19 to a man I had only known for a year. It's been almost 2 years now and my life could not be more different! I live in Rocklin, California with my husband and my two cats. I work for a Hilton hotel as a friendly front desk agent. My husband is a 25 year old pharmacist from the Philippines. This is my story.
Yes. I said that right. This story is all about when and how to propose to your special person.
Do you feel like your boo might be ready for a ring? Have they been casually mentioning their ring size or metal of choice? Perhaps they aren’t being so discrete and they are sending you pictures and links to rings they like and invitations to view their secret wedding Pinterest board. Perhaps they straight up sent you this article you are reading right now! No matter what it can sometimes be difficult or scary to think about the next step. Proposing. Don’t fret I’m here to offer some advice.
Getting engaged is one of the biggest moments of your life. The romance and the happiness make the air feel light and airy. The hope for the future is so strong you could almost reach out and touch it! The proposal story is one that you will be telling forever so make sure you are proud of it!
Your first step is to make sure you are on the same page. Have you talked about getting married? You can try and work something about weddings or marriage into a conversation and see their reaction. If they change the subject or tell you that marriage isn’t their thing you may want to cool the jets. If they tell you that 3 days is too soon to propose you should absolutely stop the jets. If they look excited or they want to continue the conversation you may have a green light! Of course, you have probably already talked about it and you already know where your partner is in the relationship and you are just skimming this paragraph. Awesome if that’s the case! We can move on!
The next step is to buy a ring that fits your honey. Not just the ring size but also their personality. You wouldn’t buy a tiny ring for someone who loves to be in the spotlight. Just like you wouldn’t buy a large ring for someone who doesn’t like attention or uses their hands to get dirty. You want this ring to fit their personality and lifestyle! Another thing to keep in mind is the stone and the metal. You may not know this but some metals look better on different skin tones. If she hasn’t mentioned what kind of metal she likes take a peak at the jewelry she already has. Once you have an idea as to what kind of ring you are buying its time to actually find the right jewelry store. Or, with online jewelers like Blue Nile it’s easy, because you don’t actually have to leave your house to see engagement rings! The biggest issue I had with picking my husbands ring and getting ideas for what kind of ring I’d like was the judgement! Whenever I would go to a jewelry store the staff would ignore me even if I asked for help. They would point to cheaper options which was equally hurtful as it was helpful. This issue is completely eradicated with online shopping. Plus you have online support at the touch of a button.
After buying the ring its time to brainstorm about when and how you’d like to propose. Are they the kind of person who would like strangers there to applaud or stare longingly at the shiny new rock on her finger? Maybe propose at your favorite restaurant or a surprise party at your family’s house. Perhaps she is the kind of person who hates being the center of attention and would rather share that special moment with just you. If that’s the case maybe you can take her on a hike or propose at home. If you are stumped, pinterest is your best bet.
The tricky part is luring them out to the proposal spot with out making them suspicious. maybe have a friend of theirs invite them out but you show up. Just try to make it as normal as possible. Make sure your plan has no holes in it. If they are clueless when it comes to noticing new or out of the ordinary things, this step is pretty easy.
The moment has finally arrived. You are about to ask this person to commit their whole life to you. You are about to commit your life to them! You’ve done everything you can at this point to make this moment as special as possible now its time to enjoy the moment! Don’t stress too much about the words you are saying. I can’t remember what my husband said when he proposed. I’m sure it was super sweet and he thought about it a long time but my memory of that moment is silent. The image of him on one knee with an open ring box and the love in his eyes is forever in my heart.
So there you have it. Those are my (hopefully) helpful tips on getting engaged! This is an exciting time for both of you! If you liked my article, comment down below your engagement story or tag me in your wedding picture on Instagram! The link is at the top of my homepage for all of my social media. Thank you for reading!
I technically have 2 proposal stories. I asked first then he asked again later with a ring. My engagement was very non-traditional. After all, I had only been dating my husband for 4 months before deciding to tie the knot. I was sitting in my kitchen with my dad and my sister having fun and laughing. Jaxon was at work which was apparently very slow. I mean it was a chilly December night at an ice cream store. Nobody was there. I had texted “WE SHOULD GET MARRIED” and he said “how about tomorrow? Ill talk to my mom. I don’t have a ring yet though.” This caught me totally off guard! I did not expect him to say yes! We knew that marriage was in our future but I didn’t expect him to go along with me elopement idea! I obviously told him that I couldn’t get rings and a dress in under 24 hours so we decided on April 21st, a little under 4 months away. I technically proposed to my husband over text the first time. I of course don’t count that as my engagement story. Jaxon officially proposed on march 30th. I was getting my wisdom teeth removed the next day and was just settling down to go to bed. I shut my eyes and Jay said he had to pee and he would be right back. Maybe a minute later I hear rustling by my head so I open my eyes and Jaxon was kneeling on the ground with a BEAUTIFUL simple wedding band in his hand and asked me to be his wife. Obviously it was only a formality because we were getting married 3 weeks later so there was no way that I would say no. He told me later that he originally planned to propose as they were putting me under for surgery but he didn’t want to wait anymore. I’m relieved that he decided to ask earlier because that probably wouldn’t have gone so well.
Jaxon plans to propose again when we get our upgraded rings. We are going to take a trip somewhere exciting and renew our vows. We haven’t decided whether we are going to make it a big deal or just us yet. I suppose we have plenty of time to decide.
Have you ever felt like you were born to do something? Born to save the world or born to play cello with an orchestra in a big city or even born to set the world record of how many cat figurines one person owns. When I was little girl and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up my answer was always “mom”. Of course some days I wanted to be a ” horse jockey mom” or a “teacher mom”. It has always come back to mom though. When you ask me my career goals my answer is usually something like “I’m just working to save money to be a stay at home mom”. My calling is to be a mother. I was born to be a mother.
When I got married, motherhood wasn’t even on my radar. I was living with my mother-in-law and we were broke newly weds! I was on birth control so in my mind there was no chance I could get pregnant anyway. I really wasn’t on my mind. Shortly after we got married I went off of birth control and switched to different contraceptive methods for health reasons. This increased the “risk” of getting pregnant. We were still being very careful to make sure I didn’t get pregnant. Logically I knew that getting pregnant wasn’t a good idea at the time but there was this very primitive feeling I couldn’t swallow.
Everyone has pregnancy scares especially when you aren’t on the pill. I’ve only had a couple but they were really really hard. I would be nervous but mostly excited at the thought of being pregnant so I would secretly be hoping that it was positive but every time it showed negative. At first I would be really sad. I could have potentially have finally become a mom in just a few short months! Of course after I got over my sadness, relief would settle in and I would be happy that it was just me and my husband. This happens every month because my period is always late. The cycle repeats itself over and over again. One particular month, I was late for my period and every morning I would wake up really nauseous, I was hungrier than normal and other typical signs. It lasted for at least week. As the week progressed I was more and more convinced that I was pregnant so I was getting really excited. Then I got that first cramp. An hour later and I had started my period. This period was really hard for me emotionally. I was so sure that I was going to fulfill my life long dream of becoming a mom! I cried as a wave of longing washed over me. I started to hate sex. I felt distant from everything. I truly felt like I had lost something. I had only lost an idea of course but it felt so real.
Since that period it has gotten easier to accept that I am not a mother yet. I’ve been trying to be spontaneous and do things that I know I can’t do or is really hard to do with kids. We plan day trips day of. We have money to do things selfishly. I’m doing my best to be happy where I am in life. We went to Vegas for my 21st birthday in January and I had a lot of fun with my friends and family.
I know that people are going to tell me “kids are hard! they have blowouts and temper tantrums and make you want to pull your hair out.” Some people are going to say “Alexis you are so young. You should focus on your marriage first. Having kids so early in the marriage can break you apart”. I know. The reasons all point to not having kids yet but my heart wont listen. I love my husband so much I just want more of him! I want a tinier version that is equal parts him and I. My husband and my best friend have been so supportive through this whole roller coaster. I can’t say that I’ve completely made it out of this very strange tunnel but I’ve been praying that I find peace and happiness until I’m a mom and I’m definitely close.
Long story short, If you are in a similar situation, just be patient. It will come with time. Stop and enjoy the little things. Literally stop and breathe slowly, looking at all the blessings you already have. Smell your morning coffee more. Pet the dog (or cat) and focus on how your fingers feel. Watch a bird flutter around in a tree. God is good and he created a beautiful world if we pay attention.
I’m just going to say that God blessed me with an amazing woman as a mother in law. I would not be where I am right now without her. Mom, if you see this, I love you.
I know I joke that living with my mother in law sucked but in reality it never really sucked. It was inconvenient sometimes because of the cultural barriers, sure, but it was also pretty awesome. We would go on long car rides and not have to drive. I rarely had to cook and when I did I loved cooking for 4 people. We didn’t have to pay rent. That was one of the best parts. It is so expensive where we live and it was really nice to just save that money that I earned. Of course, I also really enjoyed spending time with my new family as well.
Sometimes the cultural differences made it a little difficult. My mother-in-law had some unspoken expectations an so did I. We were just used to different lifestyles. Ill write more about the cultural differences in a different article. Jaxon and I are keeping some of both cultures in our new little family.
There were some things that did make it tough not having our own place. We only had one space that was ours alone. Our room wasn’t too big and we had to fit everything we jointly owned into that little space. We were very cramped which made me feel overwhelmed at times. I was always trying to find ways to make the space feel bigger. The fridge was a big reason we wanted our to find our own apartment. Jay eats anything but I was vegetarian for a while so I had to have foods that fit my diet. There was rarely enough space in the fridge for what I wanted. Privacy was also a big factor. When I get off of work all I want to do is put on things that are more comfortable. As you ladies know, bras do not qualify as comfortable. Living with other people like your mother in law and your brother in law limit your options for what you can wear. There is also that obvious reason why living in a small apartment with the in-laws across the hall isn’t ideal for newly-weds but I won’t talk about that very much because my Dad reads this. Let’s just say that we were very tense people until we moved out and leave it at that.
At the end of the day, living with my mother in law was challenging at times but it was helpful to save money and get to know them better.
I get this question a lot. “How did you know that he was the one you wanted to marry?” I used to think that anybody could be the one if you try hard and love them enough. Of course, I met Jaxon and that opinion changed. I knew it in the deepest part of me that this was the man God was giving me to be my husband. The air was lighter when he walked in the room. I felt invincible with him by my side. Iv’e been dating my husband for 3 years and I still get butterflies when he looks at me. My heart still grows wings when he comes home from work. He is my best friend. Everyone is telling me that that feeling will fade. Maybe it will! I’m just going to enjoy my butterflies and my wings until it does. Here is my guideline to know if they are the one.
They make you happy. Like truly happy. Your soul feels lighter and you know that you will never have to worry about love or acceptance again.
They make you want to be better. Whatever that means to you. Jay makes me want to be better at my job. He makes me want to clean the house. He deserves to be happy and if that makes him happy I’d love to do whatever it takes. I feel like he deserves my best.
You would genuinely do anything for them and they would do the same. I would do probably anything to make my husband happy. I probably wouldn’t kill anybody which is totally fine because that probably wouldn’t increase his happiness. I know that Jay would do the same. Of course, it doesn’t have to be that extreme either. I’m really bad at drinking water. Jay knows this so he is always putting a glass of water next to me whether I ask for it or not. When I do ask for one he jumps up to get it even if we just got cozy for bed.
You feel like you can tell them anything and everything. My husband is my most trusted confidant. I could tell him anything. Anywhere from what color my pee was this morning to telling my scariest fears. He knows he can tell me everything too. We rarely argue but we had an argument last week. We knew that no matter what we said we would be forgiven.
They never put you down. In private or in front of your friends. This is a big one. I had problems with this with a previous boyfriend. You should keep relationship problems to yourself so you can work on them privately. Of course this doesn’t include abuse because you should tell anyone that will listen if you spouse or partner is abusing you. If you go out with your friends together and he tells them about all of the areas that you are falling short as a partner it is not helpful to your relationship. They should be making you look great! They should brag about how clean the apartment was or how well you are doing at work.
In the end, If you and your partner are ready to make that step I say go for it. If you are in love and are prepared to stick with each other why not? Age really is just a number. I knew that I was going to marry my husband before 4 months of dating him. We’ve been together for almost 3 years and I love him more and more each day.
Includes MS, Munchhausen, and the death of a parent.
This is definitely my biggest article so far and I know its pretty intense. Just stick to the end because there is a happy ending.
In my “about me” page I skimmed over a big part of my life. I want to tell you more about that but if you don’t like sad stories then you may want to click away and pick a different article. I certainly don’t like sad stories but it helps to know that at the end my family is happy! I wouldn’t normally put this article here but I get one comment more frequently than most. “Why are you married? You are so young. You haven’t even lived life yet!” It upsets me more than others because they couldn’t possibly know how much life a person has lived. Here is my story so far.
So as you know if you read my first part I grew up in a happy yellow house with a mom, dad, and a sister. I was very blessed. I had toys and a home and a family and I was very very loved. In 1st grade I was diagnosed with ADHD. This made school VERY hard. I was also extremely hyper so no one really wanted to be my friend. I was fine with that. I had an imaginary freind (didn’t we all). I was happy to just spend time with family and my IF. My mom was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis (PPMS) when I was in 4th grade. I did’nt really understand what this was but my mom had migraines all the time and couldn’t walk very well.
In 5th grade my mom put me through Eating Disorder Intensive Outpatient Therapy EDIOP. I was forced to expand my stomach at a fast pace while going to therapy. They would set a very specific diet and tell me I had to eat it in 20 minutes and finish it all or I’d have to drink a strawberry calorie drink. I didn’t understand why I had to do this though at the time because I wasn’t anorexic. I took this as an opportunity to help everyone else in group therapy. I told them about all of my favorite foods and made them feel beautiful and loved as much as I could. I remember this one morning I had to eat 2 pancakes 2 sausages, a yogurt, and grits. My normal breakfast was maybe a bowl of cereal or 1 piece of french toast and some water. I just didn’t have the stomach to fit that much. I tried my best to finish all the food but I was so full. I was crying and trying my best but I threw up. My mom yelled at me and made me drink 2 insures because I threw up. It was the worst morning I can remember. One afternoon my mom fell and couldn’t get up anymore. She was paralyzed from the waist down. I was convinced that I was doing this to her so I really stepped it up in therapy. They gave me a feeding tube and told me that I was getting worse. I believed them. No one would look at me at school. Adults would leave the room when I walked in. I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. I was helping my mom and getting better! My doctors put me on house arrest for a the rest of the school year so that they could monitor me closer and so I wouldn’t accidentally exercise.
In 6th grade, I had gained 30 pounds so I was allowed to go back to school. My mom was getting worse. We got a hospital bed in our big happy yellow house. My mom got a fancy power chair and a nurse who would visit the house periodically to help give her showers and help with chores. The doctors told me that I was fine now! The therapist said that she better not see me again. I told her not to worry and that I was fine. I got my feeding tube removed and people were talking to me again. I got a friend at school who made me feel wanted. My ADHD was really bad this year and my teacher didn’t know how to handle it so he would get aggressive. He would throw my belongings around and yell so much his face would get red. I forgive him though. There was a vein that stuck out on his neck that I could see beating on the days that I was really hard to teach. My mom was getting better at driving her chair so there were less black marks on the nice white walls in the happy yellow house. My mom put me on depression pills and sleep aids. These helped my ADHD to be more manageable.
Things were pretty quiet until 9th grade. When I started high school I met a lot of different people that could be my friends! Since My ADHD was now just ADD I actually made some friends. In the first semester of my freshman year my mom had a major episode with her MS and we couldn’t take care of her anymore. She was moved into a long term care facility and we were told to say goodbye. I prepared to loose my mom and decide what to wear to the valentines day dance at the same time. My friends at school made a huge card and made my whole class sign it (it was a pretty small high school). I got to meet all of my mom’s family that lived in different countries and we took pictures and had a sermon and made promises to live the best lives we possibly could. Then she got better. Just like that. I mourned someone who wasn’t leaving. We visited all the time and gave her flowers and made her feel loved My life got really busy with school and crushes and I visited my mom once a week. Whenever I’d see her she would have something new wrong with her. As the year progressed I visited her less and less. It was so painful to see her fall apart. I would call her all the time and send her emails while my dad would go see her. I felt that I already didn’t have my mom anymore. Her MS had eaten the parts of her that made her my mom and what was left was the shell that looked like my mom but only yelled at doctors and complained about pain. She didn’t say I love you anymore unless her morphine was turned up. My stomach was in so much pain all the time and I still couldn’t smell strawberry protein drinks without wanting to cry.
Fast forward to 11th grade. I was visiting my mom maybe once a month. She was slurring her speech now and was cursing at me. I only visited her now so that in rare case she was lucid she might remember I loved her and missed her. After a while she stopped waking up for our visits so we’d write her notes in a notebook. She loved those at first. After a while she thought that it was strangers writing on her stuff so she wrote a note back to us saying that we better leave her stuff alone. We stopped leaving notes.
I was too distracted with my mom’s sickness in 11th grade to do well at all at school so I had to drop out and attend an online school for senior year. At the half point of senior year my mom caught pneumonia. She already couldn’t breathe so the doctor told us to say goodbye. Again. She said she had a week. She passed away in 2 days. I wasn’t there when she passed but my dad told me that she saw bubbles. When she died I was my family’s rock. I comforted her friends at her funeral. I was my sister’s shoulder to cry on. I had mourned her 3 years ago. My dad stepped up after my mom died and he blossomed into a great dad and an amazing friend. My dad, sister, and I were extremely close after this. We were best friends. I was the mediator if hey had arguments and we’d would always come out of it better. My dad was pretty new at being a parent so I stepped into those shoes and filled that role for my sister. I was her mom figure from that moment on. At the end of high school I got a job at this little ice cream store near my old high school. Little did I know that 2 short months after my mom passed away I would meet my husband.
After I got married and moved out, my dad remarried this amazing woman who completes my dad in all the ways my mom hadn’t in years. He had his gleam back in his eyes. I was nice to see my best friend happy again. They decided to sell that big happy yellow house and move into a beautiful grey house with his new beautiful bride. To this day I miss that big happy yellow house and I hope that whoever lives there now makes bigger happier memories in that big happy yellow house.
Now, let me fill in some gaps. I found an old psych eval last year from when I was in 4th grade. The year this all started. On the front cover it said in dark letters “Mom is diagnosed schizophrenic who is not currently on medication.” This started to make some things make sense but I dug deeper. I called my mom’s sister and asked her if she knew anything about this. She asked if I really wanted to know the truth. I hesitantly said yes. the information she gave me was like the last piece of the puzzle that was lost in a couch cushion for years. She said that my mom struggled with Munchhausen growing up. In case you are not familiar, that is when someone fakes an illness for sympathy. She would wrap bandages around her legs and pretend she fell, or she would use crutches when she didn’t need them to make strangers fell bad for her. It’s common for people with Munchhausen that when they have kids it turns into Munchhausen by proxy. That is when a parent fakes an illness on their child to get sympathy. In some cases the parents actually secretly hurt their kids. My mom gave me a fake eating disorder to gain sympathy. The intense therapy really gave me stomach problems. Whenever her MS would get bad my “eating disorder” would get worse. My mom switched medical providers at the beginning so she could fake my weight loss. We don’t know how much of her MS was real. She was also a narcotics abuser as a teenager so when she was in the hospital on the Norco or Morphine drip she was probably faking pain to get more. That is why she would only say I love you when she was high. That’s why she stopped waking up on visits. That is why her personality faded away. The only place where my mom was my mom was in that big happy yellow house. I forgive her. She was sick. I know that I was loved and she knows that I loved her.
In conclusion, I am married and it is the happiest thing to happen to me in a long time. Telling me that I made the wrong choice is not helpful. God gave me my husband earlier than most and I am infinitely grateful. Those experiences gave me my passion to help others feel wanted and loved. Those experiences gave me the ability to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. They gave me the ability to forgive freely and without hesitation. I am who I am because of my experiences. Now I am on my journey to find my big happy yellow house with my best friend.
This story isn’t very long but it is not how I imagined it would go. It was 5 0’clock on a weekday morning, standing in last nights clothes while Jaxon vomited violently in the background. Lets take it back to 12 hours before.
I just got off of work and was eager to get home and get ready. My boss had invited me to her birthday party and I had never been to a party with alcohol before. I was legitimately excited to be someones designated driver. This was my second date with my husband so I was feeling pretty excited to see him again outside of work. I picked him up from work at 8 and headed straight to Sacramento as we blared the Hamilton soundtrack and songs we liked in high school. We had liked post hardcore back in high school. I’ve moved on from that music but that is still Jays favorite genre.
As soon as we got into the party we knew that people had already had way too much to drink. We grabbed some snacks and Jay grabbed a beer and started to socialize. I just followed him around because I am not really great at parties. We came to the beer pong table because that seemed to be the happening spot. Apparently the game had just finished and everyone wanted Jay to step in and play. Now, my dear husband is a smaller Asian man so alcohol goes straight to his head and he isn’t very good at beer pong. You can probably imagine the state he was in after he lost every round. I knew that it was a matter of time before he would start throwing up so I told the birthday person that we probably had to leave soon. I had lost Jaxon while I was looking for my boss and when I found him He was taking shots. Apparently, they were pressuring him to drink more. I was his designated driver so I asked the party host for a water bottle, paper towels, and grocery bags because I knew that I was going to need them in the car. After struggling with convincing Jay to leave, getting someone to help carry him to the car, and trying to get Jays home address we finally left at midnight.
I knew I couldn’t take him home like that because his mom would probably be mad. I drove to the area he lived and parked at Mel’s diner. I rubbed his back while he threw up. He wouldn’t stop throwing up and he looked like he really just needed a nap. It didn’t help that while he had stopped puking I threw away the grocery bag and apparently he wasn’t done so he was puking out of the door. People were starting to stare so I told him to hold it in so we could drive to his house. We almost made it to his house before he puked out of the window of a moving car. We pulled up to his apartment complex at probably 3am. The apartment was decorated in very warm tones and smelled really nice. I put him on the couch but he just got right back up to puke in the kitchen sink. He would go back and forth from the sink and the couch for a while until he fell asleep. I just sat next to him rubbing his back and running my hand through his hair. I was thinking he had really soft hair as I dozed off to sleep.
I heard a noise behind me that startled me awake. The kitchen light was on and noise was coming from the fridge. I was thinking “oh crap, I’m about to meet this guy’s mom in her living room after spending the night. What is she going to think?!” Apparently Jay woke up too because he ran back into the kitchen which obviously scared his mom. She saw Jay throwing up and a stranger standing concerned in her living room at 5 am. She was really pretty and looked like she could have been his sister. I introduced myself and apologized that I was in her home uninvited but I wanted to make sure that Jay was safe. She started to laugh! She told me that Jay had only been like this one other time and he smelled like a potato farmer for days. She told him to drink more water and asked what he was drunk on this time. I told her that it was beer and Hennessy which made her laugh more. She told me that last time it was tequila and vodka so at least he wont smell bad this time. She thanked me for making sure that Jay was safe and apologized that she had to run out the door. I guess we made her late but at least she was chuckling as she was closing the door. That was the first and last time Jay had Hennessy.
So there you have it. I hope that you all have a better story! Remember that if I could meet my mother-in-law wearing last night’s party clothes, smelling like vomit, in her living room at 5 o’clock and she still wanted me as a daughter you will be fine! Just breathe and remember that she just wants what is best for her kid.
Thanks for reading! If you liked this story make sure to click like and I’ll put more stories out. I’m in the middle of writing part one of living with my mother in law. I will post it this week.